With just about a hundred and one things on my to-do agenda before clinical attachment starts again, I'm now lazing in my living room armchair, trying to nurse my splitting headache while roaming the virtual world. The sound of the downpour outside makes me wish that it's cold white snow coming down instead and the smell of food from the kitchen fills up my empty belly.
I reckon that my holidays have been going well so far, trying not to think how it could have been worse, with frequent project meetings hindering the enjoyment of some hardly-found freedom from tiring people who likes to inflict formless suffering on me. Nope, I should not waste my precious time thinking about them. Meeting with my dear friends whom I very seldom see, brings a smile to my face and a space in my brain and heart, being able to let go for just a short period.
I realized, I do love to say that 'we do not need many friends in Life, just the few ones that really matter. Even if you don't really talk to them, you know that they'll always be there for you.' I probably should feel blessed that I have quite a few of them, even though I can count them with my hands alone, it does make me happy that, yes, even if I do die now, I have not lived my life in vain.
I'm still always finding that balance and courage to this life I'm leading, though I'm always hoping to be off to someplace better. Somewhere all the pieces will fall into place and I don't have to worry so much. We are always trying to take the best choices of all situations and problems but sometimes, it does not help when the choices you have are not even good to begin with. We always have a choice. I think that's the untrue truth. Circumstances shape people and people too shape circumstances.
I do like having intelligent conversations. I can hardly stand people who are lazy to think and reply with clearly un-thought answers that did not go through their brains. Similarly to those who do not make an effort to treat me like an intellectual being. It may have something to do with education and upbringing but I can perfectly say that there are only the few unorthodox matters in my life that contributed to my kinda-twisted personality. Other than that, I'm perfectly normal. My circle of friends are people who are able to articulate their thoughts well, unlike many others who makes me exasperated just by holding even simple conversations. I'm sorry to say that I rather not talk to them. You're only able to live when you think, no? I want to be able to enjoy my conversations, not for them to be a waste of time and effort.
I need a holiday, and I need just a little more courage to be able to step out on that journey alone. Perhaps with the only few friends that I have.
No comments:
Post a Comment